55 Tips For Ending Destructive Conflict

55 Tips For Ending Destructive Conflict

Sometimes we make our life more difficult than it should be. In her book, Patricia M. Porter shares a number of tips that help us take a step back and take action to end destructive conflicts. It is a real pocket size book and each tip is explained in one paragraph. You can carry it everywhere you go and access it when you need it most.

55 Tips

Analyze the Conflict

Take a step back from the conflict

Examine the destructive behavior

Identify the level of conflict intensity

Decide whether to move forward with a conversation

Decide whether outside intervention is needed

Categorize the problem into identifiable issues

Identify all parties key to resolving this issue

Invite the parties for a series of conversations

Overcome the Conflict Dread

Acknowledge your underlying fear and anxiety

Identify the threat

Check your assumptions

Take deep breaths

Visualize a relaxing focal point

Keep a journal

Tame the lizard brain by speaking out loud

Establish a boundary for your specific trigger

Anchor a strategy with a tangible object

Commit to your intentions

Got Perspective?

Be open to perspective

Be curious

Listen to perspective

Share your perspective

Beware of perceptual blindness

Close the perception gap

Prepare for Difficult Conversations

What are your conflict resolution goals?

What goals are not within your control?

What are the most important issues to discuss and/or resolve?

What are your unmet needs and values?

What are the other person’s unmet needs and values?

What key messages do you want to deliver?

How do you want to behave in these conversations?

What do you do or say that might trigger the other person?

What obstacles might interfere with a productive conversation?

What topics are off limits to these conversations?

What questions remain unanswered?

Establish a Structure for Conversation

Set up the room

Create a positive tone

Establish ground rules or norms

Establish a time frame

Determine confidentiality parameters

Create an agenda listing the issues

Facilitate the Conversation

Be careful with “Why?” questions

Stop the blame game

Be responsive not reactive

Stop “shoulding” on each other

Acknowledge and respect differences

Hold yourself accountable

Refrain from being self-righteous

Do not dismiss other’s negative experiences

Let go of old baggage

Create sustainable agreements

Clarify who needs to know

After the Conversation

Create a safety net

Follow through with action steps

Reflect and renew

Patricia Porter provides us with effective steps in a small and easy to read book. It can be a lifesaver when you are confronted with difficulties.

Jean-Paul Gagnon, ACC, CHRP is a professional coach, certified as CINERGY Conflict Management Coach. He is also a trained practitioner in conflict resolution. He is a mediator in the workplace and a volunteer community mediator. He has over 35 years of experience in Human Resource Management.

rhjpgagnon@videotron.ca                              www.preventionconflits.com

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